Hard On XXXmas Party

Suzie Krueger, London's queen of sexual expression and sleaze, previews the new location for her continually humpy-thrivey Hard On with a festive, fist-friendly kick-off that promises a dirty dance floor with a turbo-charged sound systerm that will hit you in your Christmas balls. The large and well-equipped playroom at Vauxhall's Protocol will feature a collection of the horniest elves looking to shake their jingle bells, get their stockings stuffed and empty their sacks, enough to make Santa proud. DJs Brent Nicholls and Tony Bruno provide the soundtrack, pumping out the testicle-twitching tech and arse-stretching techno. Includes free entry to Beyond (at Fire), whether you're naughty or nice.